Rose Garden from Old Trees by Tyler Shipley

I wrote and recorded over 70 minutes of music when my other cat passed
and now my remaining cat is sick and at this moment I don’t know how long he’s gonna last
I don’t want to burden the world with another cat album cos it’s heavy
so I’m trying to find other ways to manage the situation and get myself ready

for what will inevitably be among the worst experiences of my life
for as much as I loved the other cat it was always this one I was bonded to so tight
we’ve got similar personalities including the fact that in the face of physical pain we collapse
and we like the stay home quiet life and we both love music and in the evenings we like to stretch out on the sofa and relax

or so we did until ten days ago, when everything was interrupted
and he spent nearly a week at the hospital and when he came home he was profoundly altered
he’s like a ghost of himself, he won’t meow for food or purr in my arms or chase the yellow ribbon
after we cultivated it for sixteen months, nothing now remains, of our beautiful pandemic rhythm

I’m not gonna be selfish about this thing, we’ve had fourteen years and so many good times
and we’ve orbited one another in this house like two souls impossibly and irrevocably intertwined
losing him will be like losing a piece of me and frankly one of the pieces I like the most
and this house without that cat will be a beautiful rose garden without a single rose

now I’m not someone for whom hope is a ready available resource
for whatever reason for as long as I can remember my instinct is to expect the worst
and this was reinforced by the horrible seven weeks at the end of my other cats life
so the fact that I’ve felt so heavy and hopeless in these last days is no surprise

but I have to admit that a tiny bit of belief has been starting to set in
this cat's doing better and he’s more like himself he’s even letting me rub his chin
there’s still a lot of trouble and he’s a long way from being out of the woods
but the trees are further apart and we might be finding a path and that feels good

• Folk
• avantgarde
• experimental folk
• indie
• sadcore
• singer-songwriter
• Toronto